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Simply?  Because we get what we focus on.  Janet, change your focus and you will change the way you feel.   Change the way you feel and you will change your life.  Why?  Because what we focus on expands. 

Try this question exercise, and for this to work, actually think about the answers, don’t just read the questions:

  1. What is the biggest problem in your life right now?
  2. What areas of your life are not going well?
  3. What are you most unhappy about?

As you think about these questions, notice how you feel.  Chances are, you are feeling low, unhappy, frustrated.

Now try this (again I want you to answer them, not just read the questions):

  1. What’s going well for you right now?
  2. What accomplishments are you most proud of?
  3. What are you grateful or happy for?

Notice how you feel now.  See the difference? 

Nothing changed in your circumstances between the first and second set of questions, and yet the second set of questions made you feel better.  The way you feel is largely determined by what you focus on.  You don’t need to “get a break” to start feeling better about your life, you just need to focus on the right things.

By asking yourself “Why can’t I ever get a break?”, the focus is on you as the victim in a completely hopeless situation.  This is a disempowering mindset.  You’ll never make progress as long as you keep thinking like this.

If you can control the questions you ask yourself, you can change your focus and control the way you feel regardless of your circumstances.  It doesn’t mean that your problems go away, and I’m not suggesting you ignore them.   Rather my goal for you is to put you in an empowered state, so that you can solve your problems more effectively, and confidently move forward. 

Here’s a more empowering question to ask yourself:

“What can I do right now to change this situation?”  OR

“What can I do to make the most of this situation?”

“What is the good in this situation?”

“What decision can I make right now that will propel me in a new direction?”

The list of empowering questions is endless.  The trick is to make it a habit.  Whenever you catch yourself asking a disempowering question, immediately stop yourself and switch to an empowering question.  In fact, say out loud to yourself “SWITCH”.  Do this over and over until you create a new habit.

The truth is Janet, the capacity for you to contribute is for all practical purposes, limitless.  Get creative!  Focus on making that your reality and watch your life soar!  To your success…Deb

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Carolyn so many people can relate to your experience – in fact, I’ve been there myself.  What you understand is that payment for the work we do comes in two forms: psychic rewards and physical rewards.  Psychic rewards are the “feel good” experiences which feed the mental / spiritual side of us.  It’s the reward that comes from contributing our efforts and knowing we’ve made a difference.  Physical rewards on the other hand are the tangibles we receive – money, perq’s, benefits, etc.  Both are essential.   

Here are some options for you to consider:

  1. Find a way to boost your psychic income.  Volunteer.  Sponsor a cause. Start a positive movement. Do this in your spare time. What spare time? Cut out or cut down time spent watching TV, surfing the net, reading trash – you get the picture.  Eliminating just one hour per day, “finds” you the equivalent of nine 40 hr work weeks (Amazing isn’t it!). Hey, there’s a positive movement idea for you : )
  2. Reframe the way you think about your work, your job, your employer, your industry.  Find the good in it.  Stop telling yourself that you hate what you do.  Start telling yourself that what you do creates value for other people. Remember, what you focus on expands. 
  3. Do your job from your life purpose.  Huh? For example, if you know your purpose is to serve, then think about how what you do serves others.  Dig deep.  You’ll find it if you’re looking for it. Without question, someone is benefiting from what you do. Tap into that partnership feeling and feed it.
  4. Ask yourself if you are bored? Boredom is often the sign that you are ready to be promoted…or ready for a new challenge.  Ask to lead a new project. Do your research first, and present a well thought out idea. Where is there a service gap in your company or industry? How can you fill it?
  5. Think about what you would do if you could do, then take the first step towards that.  For example, if owning your own business is your dream, then draw it up.  What would it look like?  Who would you serve? What would you offer? How would you make money? Concretize it before you leap.
  6. Think about going back to school.  Start by investigating your options.  Where do you want to grow your knowledge? How could you make it work? Is part time continuing education an option?
  7. Think about reducing your work week or changing your work hours to give you more time/flexibility to pursue other options.  Many companies offer flex week programs.  Talk to your HR dept.
  8. Start a blog. Write about what you’re passionate about.  Contribute to the discussion. Create a following, and provide value. 
  9. Pursue your hobbies.. passionately. What interest could you expand into a passion?  Find classes and interest groups to support your growth.
  10. Be grateful for the success you have.  This is a biggie.  I’m not talking about cursory gratitude here, but the type of gratitude that feeds your soul.  Think about how brilliant it is that you are where you are…that you have achieved what you have achieved…and that somebody thinks you are valuable enough to pay you well.  That is a blessing!  Start and end everyday expressing gratitude for what you have. And then pat yourself on the back for creating these positive results for yourself!

Carolyn, I hope I’ve given you much to think about.  Thank you so much for asking!  To your continued success…Deb

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